When people are going through something tough, often, they just want to be understood. So if someone needs a quick fix of information, they can always open the Bible or an encyclopedia. You could say: "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted." Hmm I have thought about this since you posted it and realized that it is another way in which I don't show very good tact. I'm only like that with close friends with others I would rather not know what's wrong. Just because people ask how you are, doesn’t mean they really want to know (54%) I don’t want to burden people (52%) I’d only talk if I was confident my … If they haven't done anything, don't judge them. "-"I HATE MYSELF OK sob"commence awkward hug, and only mildly comforting logical breakdown of the thoughts which seem to lead to this emotional state. EDIT: all of these situations have resulted in people emotionally unloading their feelings on me before. (And as I mentioned in this exchange, it’s nice to have so many positive interactions in such an uncertain time.) "You can say that casually," says Aaron. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. If I'm concerned about a friend, I'll usually shoot straight from the hip, and let them know I'm concerned, care about them, and am there to talk if/when the time is right. If they don’t want to talk, it’s fine to let them know you’re concerned about their recent behaviour and that you care about them. If I'm feeling emotional, that question is often the one to make me break down crying (something I prefer to do in privacy). If they're really struggling, follow up with them sooner. You should only be attempting this if you can handle intense emotional discharges that have nothing to do with you. Overall … 31.5m members in the AskReddit community. 4.2k votes, 2.5k comments. I've usually gone with asking if they're ok. It's weird to ask but thesei days people need to realize it's all too common to end up talking to bots, hookers, mail order brides, scammers, catfishers, stalkers, pranksters...etc. If I'm friends with the person I'll tell them that I don't believe them. If you're still concerned, try a little misdirection, talk about something else, strike up a little activity, and maybe ask again in a while once you've got a little distance between whatever happened and now. … But I believe you.". Posts are organized by subject into user-created … and if I'm told "nothing" I usually respond with "It's obvious that something is wrong. Some people will agree to this, others won't, but the point is you'll probably never see them again so at least you tried. Say you have a bunch of free time and ask if they want to talk about things. level 1 Stare at the ground 2. The one in at right now has literally got me on a contract position where I don’t get any benefits and they put a lot of accountability on the employees to get stuff done which is basically them saying “we don’t have the resources to properly train you so figure it out”, and they really expect me to work a lot more than I see people who have jobs at other 9-5s do. She never drops it. They’re mostly the same but contain different content. Ask if they've found a better way to manage the situation. If I can clearly see they're hurting I ask if they would like to talk. Personally, if I am not in some kind of obvious physical distress, I don't want anyone to ask me if I'm ok. AmA stands for “Ask … Not there to make friends. ^ Also a solid thing. ", "What do you mean? I love the weather! Press J to jump to the feed. Ask. Asking the last book they read can be a helpful peek into how they spend leisure time, or if they would accept your obsession with the Dark Tower series. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment. Yesterday I did a Reddit Ask Me Anything session on COVID-19. I have this conversation so often with a friend of mine - she keeps sending messages like this and I always reply with "Yea, I'm fine don't worry about me". Andrea: ok, Patagonia, Seattle, Greece, Portland (Maine), and probably here too. That usually either opens them up, or if they are actually okay it allows me to backtrack under the guise of "okay, I'm just concerned and you seemed off. Tips that improve your life in one way or another. Am I not making the cut? Reddit has a particular set of guidelines by which they ask their participants to behave. A lot of people will just respond without thinking when asked this question.If you're trying to find out how someone is, ask them again. If they say no, that's OK! As you can see, there are some easy ways to ask someone to pay you back. Completely separate. I try very, VERY diligently to keep personal and professional separate but usually fail miserably. why do you want to know if Im ok that bad???? Chest highWhen in doubt, think about ho… I usually ask "What's bothering you?" If they say yes in a doubtful way, or say no but don't want to talk, I'll mention that they can contact me via facebook, phone or text message. Like am I not supposed to be ok? Rarely I might comment that someone seems quiet/low energy. "Are you okay?" That said, you can pretty much any question you don't usually ask :P. This is best said with a wink and a leer. "How is your cat doing?" Ask again later if it feels right. Only there to work. Will edit into OP because this is important. It's too draining to hear the problems of others around me. Most men guarantee a rejection before they even open their mouth because their appearance does not express confidence. a lot of people dont actually want a legitimate answer, Ask them 5 times in the voice of Forrest Gump while poking them in the head with your index finger. ", "I've just been stressed out""What are you stressed about? I sometimes ask 'is there anything you would like to talk about? Reddit AMA and IAmA: Subreddits where people can ask anything of significant people. Later in the day I'll ask them if they feel better or have resolved their problem rather than asking if they're ok again directly. See? For anyone else this is kinda bunk since why would you make a point of keeping in touch with them to ask a second time? Ask anyone with a “weird” (aka non-white) name or look, and they will have a million stories like this, either endlessly being asked where they are from (and getting the “no, where are you really from?” when “New Jersey” isn’t an acceptable answer), questions about “exotic” names, or people just assuming they know where you’re from based on your brown-ish skin color. Reiterate that you're concerned and that you're there for them. I am very unsure how people would think of me, so I need a way to see if someone is either accepting or not accepting of trans people without outing myself at first. FidgetDo: 1. It's like talking about anything else, really, sometimes it's not time, sometimes it is.". How can I help?" There are very few trans people in the area that I live, and the ones in my town are not people I prefer to hang around with due to their personalities. Just say "No worries" and leave it at that. Things get easier to talk about when they don't seem like big deals, so don't make it a big deal. As someone whose been the receptacle for emotional unloading by many people, context is everything. The best way to protect against STIs is to take the time to get to know your partner so you can get a sense of how honest they are, ask them if they … As usual, Redditors asked a lot of smart questions, and it was a great opportunity to have a fact-based discussion about this pandemic and what we can do to prevent the next one. Trying to stay away from the yes or no answers... Keeping it open-ended usually gives you a more revealing answer. EDIT2: more u/jerkstorefranchisee "If you roll in there with a story in your head about coming to the rescue, you're going to get it all wrong. Aside from that, for example personally, I tend to over communicate with most people. Cross your legs/arms 3. And then, "if they say they… Choose the right people. If they say yes in a doubtful way, or say no but don't want to talk, I'll mention that they can contact me via facebook, phone or text message. But I believe you." Thanks! Later in the day I'll ask them if they feel better or have resolved their problem rather than asking if they're ok again directly. TL;DR Ask twice. Registered members submit content to the site such as links, text posts, and images, which are then voted up or down by other members. If someone makes clear that they need space, give it to them, while at the same time letting them know that you’ll still be around when they are able to reengage. If someone’s feelings are habitually irrational and grossly disproportionate to their cause, or they’re constant complainers who get upset about … Shoulders down and back 4. First, know what you want.This is an all-too-obvious step that’s often overlooked. How to ask someone to be a reference . More and more people are turning to Or Reddit. The key is to leave communication open, your friends know you and if you've established a trustworthy relationship, they will come. do i sound sad? Sometimes a person just wants to sit quietly and be unhappy, and that's fine. Subscribe now for daily Reddit videos http://bit.ly/2FnTP31Want to binge watch Reddit? I will absolutely wait until i get someone alone and then push and push and push like I'm popping a zit haha. By no means am I invalidating you’re experiences or feelings. Wait 1 minute then ask. Cookies help us deliver our Services. If they aren't doing anything, invite them to do something they'll be interested in, like going to a concert or grabbing some coffee. or "anything new you want to talk about?" just because yeah asking if someone is ok is just a polite thing just like "how are you?" PS, I don't usually ask people if they're ok I usually say something along the lines of "hows your life been lately?" Tinder Question #8: Last Book. 1. ", If I'm friends with the person I'll tell them that I don't believe them. do I look like I wanna cry? If the person is getting defensive, ask, “Is there someone else you'd like to talk to?” or, “I'll leave you alone, but please don't hesitate to call if you … I think they can see it genuine when I ask that. If its with friends, you'll know them well enough if something is up. 1. That's more, "Hey, you don't seem like yourself today. Also, afterwards apply lemon juice and salt liberally to the wound. Gaze forward 3. And after that, fuckin drop it for a while. Another alternative is to start a conversation about something more general and try to ascertain what's going on from there, let them bring it up. It is better to express interest in the person’s well-being by starting with one of the following statements: Yeah, I suck at that. Since we're all so concerned about how other people feel (empathetic) and can sense when someone is sad, etc what's a non-invasive way of asking if they're 'ok'? For redditors identifying as or interested in INFJs (Ni-Fe-Ti-Se) as described by MBTI. Press J to jump to the feed. That second ask can get you an "actually, no, here's what's up," but if you try to ask a third time, it's going to feel like prying just about every time. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Or ask, how are you/things, when they give you a 'I'm fine' answer, pause, and look at them. If the person is not responsive to your questions, drop it. https://bit.ly/2MgSAch#askreddit #reddit Try phrasing the question openly, like “How are you going?” or “What’s been happening?” to help them open up. Leave it for a while. People have actually asked me twice before and while I appreciate the concern it made me feel bad and self conscious. is a sentence that's fallen into the autonomous social construct; for most of us, it's instinctive. To keep the conversation from starting off with an accusatory tone, ask if he or she is dating other people. Related: Types of References and How to Get Them. sigh, Sounds like a typical conversation with the gf, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the LifeProTips community. Dating is hard, wether you ask or are being asked. Drop the subject permanently unless they bring it up. I dislike being asked if I'm okay. Reddit isn’t known for being female-friendly -- in fact quite the opposite. And prying too much can often upset people, even if unintentionally.If you're still concerned, try a little misdirection, talk about something else, strike up a little activity, and maybe ask again in a while once you've got a little distance between whatever happened and now. Reddit (/ ˈ r ɛ d ɪ t /, stylized in all lowercase) is a social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website, recently including livestream content through Reddit Public Access Network.. is the most natural to me, but I only really ask people I'm very close to that. "Context is really important," Guillermo responded. If it's a work and I see people suffering, I ask if they want to go out for a smoke (non-smoker or otherwise) and they generally get the idea. Would you like to talk about it?". But the social news website’s notoriously “anti-woman” users apparently do value female Redditor's opinions when it comes to dating. Or Reddit. Depending on the time it takes them to react, facial expression etc you can easily make a judgement on how a person is doing. That's what I usually do too in order to find out how someones feeling. Each person is different, but it’s just refreshing to have someone ask you out for a change. That second ask can get you an "actually, no, here's what's up," but the third is going to feel like prying just about every time. Be relaxed and friendly when asking if someone is OK. I find myself asking this frequently to my friends and coworkers but want some other phrases on rotation. No, you get asked once, And then I take you at your word. Usually people asking if you're "ok" more than once are trying to silently signal you that they need some kind of emotional help themselves. If they're a vague acquaintance I'll at most tell them they can send me a facebook message,because they probably have their own friends. Women, donot ask men if they are OK after stubbing their toe. All in all, it may be that the person you loaned money to just forgot that they … On one hand, if someone is truly a friend, they can never be annoying; you love them. Email only if you must—it’s much less personal, and also less immediate. This isn't a movie, there will be anticlimactic moments, that's perfectly alright. Edit 3: I’ve given up on my grammar, sorry folks Intp here. It depends on a couple of key factors. I ask because I've been asked out by other people, and I'm not sure what to tell them." Hey, you okay? Ask them open ended questions, rather than just telling them what you think. (Or share). Or ask "Is there anything I can do to help?". ""You have been moping the last couple of days, what's going on? More and more people are turning to /r/AskReddit in search of the truth, and while the responses they get don't always seem scientifically sound, they're as hilarious as the funny questions themselves. Slump your shoulders 4. Offer your support, but don’t try and solve their problems unless they ask for your advice. Here are some simple cues to help you remember the do’s and don’ts of posture.Do not: 1. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It'll probably make them think a bit more about their response, and reassure them that you do actually want to know, rather than just trying to start a conversation in the most generic way possible.I hope you have a Merry Christmas and enjoy the Holiday season~, EDIT: additional and important note courtesy of u/jerkstorefranchisee. I HATE being asked if I am OK after minor injurie by my wife. "I realized our relationship wasn't as amazing as I … Often it’s … And after that, drop it for a while.The point of asking a second time is to break out of the "everyone does this because it's polite" thing. Keep your chin up 2. "The context, the place of the situation in which the question is asked, really dictates the answer. If they can’t, ask if you can suggest your own and share an alternative way of seeing things (it’s nice to ask permission here, because offering a contrarian view, unsolicited, tends to come off as critical and antagonistic). You're trying to help them, not pressure them into giving up their feelings. So if you've already run into that more than once you're going to want to trust that person is real - but verify it in some way before risking time/money/effort meeting up. "So, what have you been up to," what are your plans for the day," "how's your week been," "how are your [significant others] doing lately?". Below is a transcript of … Want to low key figure out how nerdy your match is? I don't like discussing my problems with people I'm not close to. I've usually gone with asking if they're ok. You should also let these people know that you are applying for jobs and listing them as references so they can prepare. I sometimes ask people, as casually as possible, how they are doing, or how's it going. I’m sorry it hasn’t been easy, and advice on reddit hasn’t helped. They got realistic about their relationship. If it's a random stranger who is noticeably upset that you actually give a damn about helping, that you can approach in a private manner, actually sit down with them(sad people are often crumpled somewhere) and point out you noticed they were sad. If they want to open up they will elaborate but they may not so that is your cue to talk about other things. You can find them here. In this article, you’ll learn how to choose references and how to ask someone to be a reference with examples. Give me a minute to get through the pain. That usually either opens them up, or if they are actually okay it allows me to backtrack under the guise of "okay, I'm just concerned and you seemed off. Things get easier to talk about when they don't seem like big deals, so don't make it a big deal. Ask what you can do to make them feel better and give them support. The art of asking for what you want, Part 1: You have to actually ask. In a formal email, to someone who is not a friend or relative, it is best not to ask one of these questions, because it could be considered too casual and friendly. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Once you’ve made your wish list, call each of these people (or see them in person if you can) to ask if they’re willing to serve as a reference. "You don't seem like your usual perky/peppy/upbeat self today. 9. If they say yes, get started planning your date. You’ll want to … Yes is my short answer. Getty Images This lets them know that you are in-demand and can easily be snapped up if they … Most everyone I know is a cishet person. "What's going on?